Adventures in Blogland pt Deux: They’re Everywhere!!!!

As I sat in front of  my computer aimlessly wandering through cyberspace I suddenly become aware of the vastness of it all, specifically in the land of blogs.  I mean everyone knows the world wide web is huge, it’s world wide duh, but I never realized until now that this little operation I’m running over here is literally one in a million. Maybe it’s got to do with my recent self nomination into the pool of hungry blogger’s  itching for  heavy exposure via the 2009 Black Weblog Awards, but it got me thinking about just how small my place is  in this mighty jungle. I didn’t land a slot in the finals and truth  be told that really doesn’t bother me  much, I just wish I didn’t want to be one of the finalists as much as I did. I wish that I could look at my stats and be okay with averaging 20 pageviews a day.  The life of a writer is nothing nice, in a world where cash rules everything around me the game gets rough, but I find the greatest fulfillment doing what I’m doing right now. Sitting here, clicking away at the keys, focused.My aspirations and pride are inextricably tangled in messy knotted up mass of pipe dream career goals and financial obligations I barely meet working jobs I barely like. I’m drifting though, the original premise of this exposition is that blogs and bloggers are literally EVERYWHERE. There are millions of us vying for the attention of a public whose attention span doesn’t extend too far or last that long.

In the first part of this tale I wrote about how it seems the most popular blogs are the least original, but  today I found myself asking “Is there even enough popularity to go around?” Visiting the facebook page for the Weblog Awards was just what I needed to check myself. I  read message after message, all stating the same thing. I want to nominate “so and so” blog, check it out, it’s really dope. I visited a lot of the blogs mentioned in the messages and most of them weren’t half bad. You could almost smell the elbow grease these folks put into building their sites, but the fact remained that  they would all be judged and ranked according to the opinions of someone else.  At times Iwonder to myself is this just a superficial tool for self-indulgence?  Am I an idiot for thinking somebody actually gives two cents about what I write? Am I wasting my time and skills pumping out material, not for a well respected, highly regarded publication, but for a blog that only averages 20 pageviews a day? Do I think I write better than I actually do? Much like Myspace, are blogs just another notch in the proverbial belt of cyberspace, hot today and more than likely not tommorow?  These thoughts and more fly through my head during one of my many “what is the meaning of all this” twenty something life crisis  moments. During an exceptionally manic episode I typed “blogs suck” into my search engine and found this entertaining little essay entitled “Why I Fucking Hate Weblogs”. There is one section in particular where the author lists and classifies the 10 types of people who blog. To my surprise, I found myself on this list;

The Aspiring Writer. This weblogger is probably one or many of the other weblogger personality archetypes and is using the excuse that they are an aspiring writer to justify their meaningless drivel. They’ll marvel at how wonderful it is to have a printing press in every home, or they’ll talk about how their weblog helps validate their writing and builds writing skills, steadfastly ignoring the fact that they could do the exact same thing WITHOUT a weblog and not publicly. They are undoubtedly following some other agenda or fulfilling some other need, but have found an excuse that seems acceptable in their minds that justifies the electronic equivalent to holding up a big sign that says, “Please look at me! I’m important! Listen to me!” These people need to just accept what they are and deal with it or dive on a pitchfork.

I had to laugh, it was funny as hell. All joking aside, this is truly my big flashy sign all done up with glitter and glue. This is that thing that I put all my faith and energy into believing that it will open up a whole new world for myself, a world in which I can pay my carnote in full and don’t have to dodge calls from the US. Department of Education. It’s all love though, a good friend recently reminded me I can’t place a value on my words. They’re mine and they’re powerful as they are, whether they’re paying my bills or not. Life is a trip, in every sense of the word. Sucess and failure are innevitable pit stops, and at times the path gets a little crowded with crap that serves no other purpose than to knock focus. That’s the trap of the mind I suppose, to waste time fretting about the distance or difficulty of reaching the destination, keeping yourself from enjoying the journey and perfecting yourself through the hardships, anonymity, and occasional lonliness of the grind. I guess at the end of the day the hordes of us who blog do it because we love to do it. There’s no Black Weblog Award or number of pageviews that can compete with that.


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