On Valentines…..Reflections on love


Yesterday, as I watched well to do everyday folk swarm the mall at which I work and struggle to find a Valentine’s Day gift ‘expensive’ enough to convey the depth of thier emotions for a lover or spouse yet cheap enough to stay in line with thier budgets, I couldn’t help but think to myself…”Fools”. Was that mean, or just unapologetically honest?  Love is so much more than a Fossil watch or a brand new pair of Roca Wear Jeans or a cubic zirconia heart pendant on sale for 19.99 (while supplies last), love is………unnavailable at your local retailer, unable to be gift wrapped, cannot be scrounged up last minute. I guess everyone has thier own idea of what it is though.  As for me, at this present moment, my idea of love is home cooked lasagna cause he knows it’s my favorite, fresh garden salad cause he know’s I’m trying to eat healthy, Yellowtail Pinot Grigio cause he knows I like to sip , candle light cause he knows I think it’s sexy, some good ol’ conversation cause he knows I’m cerebral like that plus he truly digs my point of view, and knowing that someone cares just that much about the little things that mean so much to you…………

Hope all you lovers out there took the time to LOVE one another………..


January 25, 2010, 1:07 am
Filed under: Cool ppl | Tags: , , , , ,

I absolutely love, love, LOVE the blogs Wale posts for Honey Magazine. I know beneath their hard exteriors and playboy attitudes most men mask hearts of gold , but I am completely blown away by the depth, honesty, and eloquence with which Wale reflects on love, sex, and everything in between. I tip my hat brotha. And I quote……

“Women, how many men have you met who surround themselves around so many women, they wouldn’t be able to distinguish “the one” if she were right under his nose? I propose the same question to the dudes: Have you ever courted someone and did everything in your power to make her “open her eyes” (Bobby Caldwell x Common)? Yet she still wants to be in the club every other day or she tells you she doesn’t want commitment. That is her trying not to be vulnerable. That is the proverbial wall that can’t be penetrated because even the briefest daydream of #thatthing will send her into shock. #thatthing has the staring role in life’s movie. A nigga may have never experienced #thatthing, but his mother/father/sister/brother/teammates’ experiences may have been enough to instill the fear………”

The hip hop Dr. Ruth perhaps, or maybe the male Alexyss Taylor?

That’s Amore……..

This weekend I will get to take part in one of the most intricate public displays of affection ever created…the wedding ceremony. My Aunt Katherine is jumping the broom with the love of her life and I couldn’t be more excited.

Aunt Kathy was the stuff of legend growing up. To me she was the pinnacle of what I wanted to be when I was an adult; stylish, effortlessly beautiful, spunky, popular and smart. I remember one particular visit, in which she returned home  with a boyfriend that vaguely resembled Dr.Dre, who took me zooming around the neighborhood on his Kawasaki. She showed me my first tattoo, which was a small rose on her upper chest, a revelation that lead to a very eye opening conversation. Upon explaining that her tattoo was located on her breastplate, I asked if her boyfriend saw her tattoo and she said yes so I then proceeded to ask her why she would show him her breastplate. My mother had to interject to make sure we didn’t proceed any further but that was my Aunt Kat, the coolest. The Aunt that was youthful enough to hold a conversation with you that made you feel like you weren’t just some stupid kid, but still maintained that sage like quality that allowed her to disperse wisdom that induced age appropriate blossoming. 

As time has moved on she has become a sucessful career woman working toward her Phd, a caring mother, and she even does a little modeling on the side. She conquered the world on her own terms and now she’s found the man of her dreams to start that new chapter with. In a world where everybody from Morgan Freeman to John and Kate Gosselin seem to channeling Pat Bennatar’s ” Love is a Battlefield”, it’s real cool to hear somebody singing a different tune………….

Say What?
August 12, 2009, 1:49 pm
Filed under: Life....I wonder..., Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,


Ahhhh, sex and love, we all think about it, we all fantasize about it, we all pursue it, some to the detriment of thier sanity. I’ve been on a no dating streak for a while now, and I don’t think it’s going to break anytime soon. Many would tell a lady in my predicament that my standards are impossibly high, but I maintain the standards of courtship have gotten incredibly low. Fellas must you always kick off your game with the lackluster ice breakers, ” Where yo man at?” or ” You got a man?”. Noooooooo,  but I don’t have one for a reason, and what makes you think that you have the qualities that I’m looking for in “my man”? Thanks, have a nice day. If I do ease up and continue conversation for the sake of not being a spoil sport, must you then make me regret my decision by commenting on my physique like I’m standing on an auction block? Yes I know that men are visual creatures, blah blah bleh, but does your instinctual animal attraction to the female form incapacitate you to the point where intelligent, creative, and engaging conversation is obsolete? 

Prime example, I’m walking through my hood one day trying to exercise and dude rolls up next to me. He asks if I need a ride and I politiely decline, telling him I’m trying to get my cardio on. Dude then proceeds to tell me, ” Oh, I got something that will work you out.”  His intent gaze on my butt canceled the idea he was talking about letting me use his boflex sometime. He was cute, but not cute enough to get away with that one.  Flip it, what if I came up to you and said ” Hey boy, where yo girl at? Oh you don’t have one, I can’t believe that. I mean that bulge is looking nice in those jeans, so why don’t you let me get your number or something, maybe we can chill sometime.” What would you think of me? What words would come to mind? Where would you file my memory in your internal rolodex? Under slut, jump off, possible side piece? I don’t mean to be sexist but I believe most men would definitely get the picture that the lady parts would be on easy access, and they’d like it.

It’s not about being stingy with the lovin’ or being a prude, it’s about being subtle, creating tension, leaving something to be desired. That’s the thrill of the game.  At least for me anyway. What happened to the smooth criminal?  The one you didn’t even realize was seducing you out of your panties utill they hit the floor. That one who could speak  five seemingly normal words of salutation  and through eye contact alone have you like, okay we need to rap for a minute. Boys, a little subtlety can get you a long way.

What’s love got to do with it?

Genesis 3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed;it shalt bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise bruise his heel


I once read a book called, That Which is Written and Should be Known: The Word by Ray C.M. Harris. To make a long story short, the book is quite deep. He presents us with a mystical and metaphysical interpretation of  our spirtiual existence and relationship to the divine. He gets into the allegorical meanings, the true wisdom, behind the passages in the bible. There are chapters about Atlantis, the Seven Realms of heaven, and about the fall of man. It is also in this text that we are presented with an alternate explanation of the original sin. It was sex. The fruit that Eve ate of was the body, and the serpent that tempted her to eat was the fallen angel himself. Eve then tempted Adam to eat of the fruit and the rest is pretty much history. It was because of these two seperate unions that she bore Cain and Abel, one being Adam’s seed and one belonging to Lucifer, the meaning behind the bible verse above. It’s a stretch for most people, but if you’re open to controversial theories, it’s a very interesting one, and one that I’ve heard before actually reading this material.  Our sexuality is one of the aspects of our nature that places us closer to the divine, because it is through sex that human beings are given the power to create life.  Mr. Harris asserts that we have abused our basic sexuality and because of our lust driven sexual appetites, we are suffering as a society…….

“At this point in Man’s history most people will agree that Man has reached his decadent best. Sodom and Gomorah were just cities. but today the whole world has, if anything, outstripped the city of Sodom. With our advancements in science and technology we can pervert ourselves much more efficiently and thoroughly. Selling a chocolate or candy bar on television is usually nothing short of sugar-coated seduction; most so-called love song videos are ‘sex simulations’. Man’s abuse of the creative (sexual) force and his sex function has made sex ‘deadly’; “AIDS” has taken root throughout the world and spreads its tentacles like a white plague.

….. We must realize that if we pervert our youth we destroy ourselves. Nothing weakens a people and destroys whole societies, a nation, a world like the abuse and perversion of the sexual or creative force; the creative force, within Man is a divine force, and must not be abused. In these times however, carnality thrives and is doing a booming business.

I know it might be a lot to digest, but if you really reflect on what he’s saying, dude makes a lot of sense. Now, I love sex as much as the next person, but I don’t turn a blind eye to rape, pedophilia, incest, the struggles of the teenage parent or the prevalence of the single parent household. There is  a dark side to our sexuality, one which causes me to agree with the knowledge Mr. Harris is drops in his book. People are having a lot of sex, and making a lot of babies, but the central family unit is pretty much non-existent. The verse from Genesis strikes me because it seems so applicable to the current state of affairs . Enmity between man and woman, disintegration of the familial structure.  It’s almost like we can’t stand each other outside of the bedroom, yet we’ll lay down and create life with people who can’t seem to live with.  Divorce and domestic violence  have replaced dedication and diligence in creating a bond that lasts and we  are witness to the ill effects that this trend has had on an entire generation of young people. I would know because I myself am a child of divorce, and I have several half-siblings, some of whom I’ve never even seen. However, we all know that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I believe that for all the hell my generation has been through, we will be the one’s to bring it back into balance.  There’s alot of stuff that we’re not just gonna take, because we’ve seen what it has done to our parents. So, here’s to all those striving to harness that life force that Ray Harris writes about and use it wisely, actualizing that higher love today, so the children can know what it is tomorrow.

Check Soulflower out:

You can read Ray C.M. Harris’s book here